


the river is wide

by tigerlo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Soft sappiness abound, With a little bit of emotional hurt and comfort, canon fill in fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 22:13:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerlo/pseuds/tigerlo
Summary: Set after Charity goes AWOL following Lisa's phone call.Charity and Vanessa talk.





	the river is wide

**Author's Note:**

> A very short piece to fill in a gap that I needed to see (not just imagine) the resolution for.

-

 

Vanessa’s already in bed with the lights out and her eyelids heavy when Charity finally makes her way upstairs. 

 

There’s little or no noise when she pushes the door shut and starts creeping around the room which tells Vanessa that she knows she’s in some kind of trouble. 

 

Not that Vanessa’s like that, not that she’s going to punish Charity or be in a snot for days on end, but she is cross, and hurt mostly, because Charity had just  _ gone _ and she’d been left trying to answer everyone’s questions of  _ where  _ and  _ why  _ with nothing more than a puzzled shrug. She should have been able to do more, she should have known where her fiancée was, but she didn’t. Until today. 

 

They’d had a talk after the incident with Charity’s night away in the field when Vanessa had been absolutely sick with worry, where Charity had promised her something; not that she wouldn’t ever up and leave like that again, but that if she needed space, she’d never go away without at least a warning or a message left behind if not a phone call. 

 

She knows that Charity’s had a life full of flight to keep herself safe, and she knows it’s not as simple as expecting that deeply ingrained defence mechanism to just switch off because she suddenly has a supportive partner and a year of relative stability, but Vanessa needed  _ something _ in return, some reassurance that she wouldn’t be left so lost, so useless, again. 

 

As frustrating as it is, this back and forward, this regression into old behaviour, patience is the key with Charity; it always has been. It’s how they’ve come so far and over so many hurdles, even with Charity’s insurmountable bravery. She’d be cruel to expect Charity to just change completely, it wouldn’t be fair on either of them to expect that amount of trauma to just dissolve and leave a perfectly healthy person behind, so they’d come to an understanding that was fair for them both. 

 

Only this time Charity hadn’t followed what they’d agreed, she’d just gone, again, and the last conversation they’d had wasn’t a dulcet chat either, it was an argument; one they hadn’t resolved at all before she’d up and left. 

 

The floorboard next to Vanessa’s bedside creaks, bringing her back to herself, and she feels Charity crouch low alongside her waist. “Ness,” she breathes quietly, her hand light on Vanessa’s thigh over the blanket, “are you still awake?”

 

She contemplates not answering and waiting instead for Charity to make the first move, or to leave her to sleep, but the probably pathetic truth of it is that she’s missed Charity desperately, and she doesn’t want another night without some kind of resolution. 

 

“Just,” Vanessa croaks, opening her eyes slowly and waiting for the image of Charity cloaked in the dark of the room to even out. She shifts on her side a little once it does, blinking as she finds green,  _ green _ eyes. “Are you okay?” she asks sliding her hand under her pillow to prop herself up some, watching Charity carefully.

 

“Tired,” Charity huffs softly, rolling her eyes, obviously intent on ignoring the elephant in the room. “Chas worked me ragged but yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“I don’t mean today,” Vanessa replies, not echoing Charity’s smile or beating around the bush; watching her keenly instead. “I mean, are you okay?” Vanessa asks plainly.

 

The directness of it makes Charity sigh deeply, an acknowledgement of the fact that she recognises Vanessa isn’t going to let this go. She exhales through her nose before looking somewhere around Vanessa’s knees. 

 

“Yeah,” Charity nods finally, taking her place on the edge of the bed when Vanessa shuffles back to make room for her. “I’m okay.”

 

Her tone is even, almost practised, but it’s easy for Vanessa to see straight through it. “Why did you go?” Vanessa asks without hesitation. She pulls herself up in bed and against the headboard to look at Charity properly. “What happened to you not keeping me in the loop?”

 

Charity gnaws at her bottom lip as she meets Vanessa’s eye, her expression going slack, not tight, before she answers. “I can’t tell you,” she says eventually, dropping Vanessa’s gaze. “I know how that sounds, babe, but I can’t.”

 

The frustration rolls over Vanessa like a wave and she can’t quite stop the sigh before it slips out. “Fine, don’t tell me,” Vanessa says, more hurt than angry, “but Charity, you left on my birthday. I know I’d had too much to drink and I’d conked out on the couch mid-argument, but you just left. Chas woke me up halfway through the night and asked where you were, and I had to shrug like an idiot and tell her I had no idea, again, when I couldn’t find you upstairs.”

 

She takes a breath, twisting the ring on her finger around and around as she tries to collect herself.  _ It’s okay,  _ she repeats to herself silently _. It’s okay. Just breathe. She loves you, you know she does, you know she does, even if she won’t tell you where she was or why she left you again _ . 

 

“The worst bit was that the last thing I could remember was us arguing and you being angry because I’d ruined your plans” Vanessa says as calmly as she can, “and then you didn’t answer anything. Not a call or a text, nothing for a whole day. You just-you promised that you wouldn’t do that again, but you did, and I’m trying really hard not to get angry or be disappointed because I don’t want… I don’t want you to leave again and I’m scared that if I tell you how I’m really feeling you will.”

 

“Babe️, it’s not about us,” Charity says quietly, risking reaching for Vanessa’s hand. She runs her thumb over Vanessa’s palm soothingly, the contact firm, grounding, just the way she knows Vanessa likes. “I know that probably means sod-all without a reason, but it’s not. I promise.” 

 

“But you can’t talk about it?” Vanessa asks, trying not to sigh in frustration. “Do you have to go away again?” 

 

“Probably,” Charity says with a wince. “But it won’t be forever, and I should be able to tell you before I do. Is it-“ Charity pauses, her eyes pleading, “babe, is it okay? Is it okay if I have to?”

 

“It has to be okay, doesn’t it?” Vanessa replies, biting her tongue. You’re going to go either way, aren’t you?”

 

“Yeah, but are we okay?” Charity asks, a flicker of something like fear in her eyes for the first time. 

 

“We’re okay,” Vanessa replies gently, taking Charity’s hand. “We’re okay, just don’t shut me out, alright? I know you’ve got this-I know your family is used to holding things close to your chest, but we’re supposed to be in this together, aren’t we? We’re supposed to do this together.”

 

“Yeah, Ness,” Charity says, bending low to press a soft kiss to her lips. “We are.” She nudges her forehead against Vanessa’s. “And I will tell you, I just- it’s not mine to tell for now, yeah?” 

 

“Okay,” Vanessa nods, half-smiling in reassurance as best she can. “That’s- thank you, for telling me that much.”

 

“You trust me?” Charity asks as she leans back, shuffling closer to Vanessa. There’s something in her tone that sounds surprised, like she can’t quite believe it’s as easy as that. 

 

“Of course I do,” Vanessa replies, reaching for Charity’s cheek, brushing her thumb over the fine line of bone. “I’ll believe whatever you say, Charity. That’s how relationships are supposed to work.”

 

“Yeah, but, I’m me,” Charity says cynically, scoffing, “no one ever just believes me.”

 

“Since when have I been just anyone?” Vanessa smiles in an attempt to lighten the weight on Charity’s shoulders. 

 

“Never,” Charity laughs under her breath, leaning into the touch Vanessa offers, “you’ve never been like anyone else, Ness. S’why I love you, isn’t it?”

 

“Not the only reason though, is it?” Vanessa breathes, exhaling deeply as her hands slide down to rest on Charity’s shoulders. 

 

“No, you’re very cute when you’re half asleep too,” Charity smirks before she bends forward, resting her crown against Vanessa’s chest. “I love you, Ness. I really do, eh? I’m sorry for ruining your birthday, and I’m sorry for getting angry when I should have been patient. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

 

“I should hope so,” Vanessa mumbles against the top of her head. “I don’t need anything big though,” she adds, trying to cut any expensive sweeping gestures off at the pass, “just a night for us, only us, sometime soon okay? I don’t need anything more than that.” 

 

Charity sighs heavily as Vanessa’s hands move over her back soothingly. “God, I’m exhausted,” Charity says almost inaudibly into her night-shirt. 

 

“Go and have a quick shower to wash the day off before you come to bed, you’ll feel better for it,” Vanessa says, kissing her cheek softly before nuzzling into the crook of Charity’s shoulder. “I’ll wait up for you.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Charity replies, placing her palms flat on Vanessa’s thighs as she shakes her head. “You must be knackered too.”

 

“I want to,” Vanessa says, planting her hands on Charity’s shoulders and pushing her back gently. “Go on.”

 

Charity mumbles something that sounds like  _ bossy  _ under her breath but she smiles softly in thanks as she picks herself up regardless, in a way that makes Vanessa’s heart melt and her frustration ebb away a little further. 

 

“Hey,” Vanessa says when Charity reaches the door, her fingers wrapped around the doorframe to steady herself as she turns back to meet Vanessa’s eye. “I love you too.”

 

Charity seems to shiver as she takes the words in and without saying a thing she closes the distance between them, collecting Vanessa’s face in her hands and kissing her with a heart-stopping softness. She rests her forehead against Vanessa’s when she stops to take a breath and Vanessa can feel the warm puff of it wash over her lips like a solid and reassuring lifeline. 

 

“Go,” Vanessa smiles, brushing her cheek against Charity’s, “so you can hurry up and get in here with me. I’m sick of being alone.”

 

“Come with me,” Charity says, taking Vanessa’s hand as she stands, making their arms stretch taut between them. 

 

“Charity, I’m too tired for-“

 

“God, no, I don’t mean that, I’m too tired for that too,” Charity huffs, “I mean, just so you’re- just so we’re together. No funny business.” She stops as she comprehends what she’s just said, laughing in realisation before she finds Vanessa’s gaze. “Christ, how pathetic does that sound, ignore that, babe, I must be tired.”

 

“It’s not pathetic,” Vanessa says seriously, shaking her head and throwing the blankets off herself with her spare hand. “It’s lovely, actually.”

 

“Ness, you’re already all sorted for bed,” Charity sighs when Vanessa stands next to her. “I’ll be quick, yeah? Just stay here.”

 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Vanessa asks, threading their fingers together as she looks up to Charity. 

 

“I do,” Charity replies with a frown, “but-“

 

“Then I’m coming,” Vanessa says simply, leaning up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Charity’s cheek. “You’re not alone in anything unless you want to be, remember? Even with little things like this. Especially with little things like this.” 

 

“Sap,” Charity mumbles but Vanessa can see how thankful she really is, can feel how tightly she clings to Vanessa’s hand like a lifeline as they move through the silent house to the bathroom together. 

 

Charity flicks the shower on and turns to Vanessa, her frame heavy with exhaustion and it’s the easiest thing in the world for Vanessa to step forward and help Charity out of her clothes, her hands careful and sure as she peels back later after later until she’s standing in her underwear and nothing else. 

 

“Hey,” Charity says over her shoulder when Vanessa’s hands turn her, so she can undo the clasp of her bra without having to reach blindly behind her back. 

 

“Hmmm,” Vanessa replies by way of an answer, looking up from her task. 

 

“Thank you,” Charity says quietly once Vanessa finishes sliding the straps down her arms. “For trusting me, I mean,” she adds. “For not going off on one when I came back. I know it’s not easy, but-“

 

“I love you, Charity Dingle,” Vanessa offers as she turns Charity back around in her arms. “No, it’s not always easy but there’s far too much good in this to get rid of you,” she teases, trying to prompt a smile that Charity reluctantly gives. “I love you,” she says seriously, reaching up for a loose strand of hair, tucking it away and off Charity’s face, “and I know you’re trying, so that’s the only thing that matters.” 

 

Charity doesn’t say anything in reply but her eyes go a little glassy and her throat bobs like she’s swallowed a stone so Vanessa takes that instead of anything verbal, pulling Charity to her for a tight hug that they both sigh into. 

 

“Come on,” Vanessa says, pressing her lips to the corner of Charity’s mouth. “In the shower before you fall asleep standing up.”

 

“Can you-“ Charity asks weakly as she looks over her shoulder to the stream of water. “I know you’ve probably just had one but will you get in with me? I really don’t know how I’m going to stay upright without someone helping.”

 

“Given I’d rather not have anyone else in there with you to help with that,” Vanessa drawls teasingly, “I suppose I can.” 

 

Charity offers a half-hearted hand as Vanessa pulls her loose tee-come-nightshirt off and pushes her underwear down her thighs before taking Vanessa’s hand and leading them both under the warm water. 

 

Vanessa’s palms find Charity’s hips as she tips her head backwards, wetting her hair, pushing the water through it with a smooth, rhythmic pattern of hand over hand until the dark blonde of her roots is completely wet and she can force the beads down into the rest of her hair. 

 

“I miss the length, but I do like this shorter,” Vanessa says absently, suddenly craving a hint of lightness, picking up a piece of Charity’s hair and winding it around her finger. 

 

“Because I can stay in bed for five minutes more now it doesn’t take as long to do?” Charity says without opening her eyes, shifting her crown under the stream of water so it runs down over her face. 

 

“Well, maybe a little of that too,” Vanessa admits slightly begrudgingly, “but mainly that it suits you.” 

 

Charity allows the edge of her mouth to turn up in a smile in response to the compliment before she’s distracted by the shiver that runs through Vanessa’s body. 

 

“Here,” Charity says, her hands sliding around Vanessa’s back, turning her so she’s under the cascade of the water instead. 

 

Her hands move through Vanessa’s hair in the same way that Vanessa’s had hers, gentle with a quiet intimacy that makes Vanessa’s heart settle some. 

 

She opens her eyes to a bold green sea rimmed red with tired and something like grief before Charity pulls Vanessa to her, close enough to stop the water falling between them where their skin meets. 

 

“I’m here, okay,” Vanessa says quietly into the curve of Charity’s neck, her hands stroking the line of her back, down between her shoulder blades. “Whenever you’re ready to tell me, or wherever you can, I’m here.”

 

She hears Charity sniff and feels her chest shudder with what she assumes is a sob and it makes her feel so powerless that her own throat tightens in an echoed grief. She knows she can’t fix whatever’s making Charity this upset, whatever it is that’s drained the fight so completely out of her and left not even anger behind. There’s nothing else she can do but offer this; a silent stake of stability; intimacy, trust, love so she pulls Charity closer and tries to let that truth sink into her chest through her skin. 

 

“I’m here, Charity,” she says again as she peppers kisses to Charity’s cheek and neck, soft in their reassurance, as Charity buckles in her arms and her sobs become shorter in their intervals and more jagged. “I’m here.” 

 

-

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://tigerlo.tumblr.com),  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/tigerlo_) etc.


End file.
